Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
