i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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