My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize