there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Dear god my vagina.
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