there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Two words: blizzard sex
Randomize
