You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
