Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
so much tequila, so little girl.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
