The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Congratulations! We have a period
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