You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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