it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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