I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
