you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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