i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
