You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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