do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
