When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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