i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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