I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
