What did we do last night that was yellow?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Randomize