I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
