Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
