im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
