I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Randomize
