Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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