If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
