i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
