apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
