i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
