if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
