So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
