I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize