I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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