Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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