Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
