being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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