1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Randomize
