My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
birth control should be required to get into college
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
