wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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