all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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