Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
