I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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