I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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