Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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