Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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