I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
