I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
