I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Every concussion has its silver lining
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
