i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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