My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
