I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
