shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize