she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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