1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Randomize