There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize