No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
