I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
