before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
