Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
being pregnant is like rehab
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
