Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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