I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
