I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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