if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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