Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
