I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
