Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
