i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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