it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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