forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
