I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
