erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
