you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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