I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
